A trip.
A trip indeed.
One never believes that a change in perspective could equate a change in my soul. This was to be a month of solitude, however it was anything but. Time to think, time to hear the scratching of pen to pad, time for my thoughts, alone. I asked the clerk for a view and received more than I should have. My suite had a view but it was not of the glimmering city lights or of the staggering masses, it was a view of passion and completion. From death itself rose life and beauty. It is in this place where I first laid eyes on her. It is also the place where I left her as to not destroy the beauty I had discovered.
1.
"Sometimes all you need is new surroundings Pablo." said Frank Pacino. Though Frank was tremendously boring in conversation, he had seen the world. He and his "roommate" traveled monthly to some exotic location or another. This month was a festival in Paris, last month a shopping trip to London. Never one to kiss and tell, Frank stuck to just the facts. "As your editor I must tell you that your latest work is, how can I put this nicely, less than inspiring", he commented in a manner only the oldest of friends could. He continued, "What you need is to find passion. You've lost it. You no longer have the chutzpah that you had ten years ago, hell you've lost what you had ten months ago for that matter."
I nodded as he spoke, trying to avoid a direct look into his eyes. I had lost it. For a decade I had maintained the passion of my youth but now, now something was gone. Never one to settle down, I had preferred to move quickly from woman to woman, lover to lover. Sometimes there were exchanges of truths but in general it was more pleasantries than anything else. I always knew their names, at least their first names. Well, at least a nickname. Honestly, I didn't. For that matter, I never looked into their eyes. The eyes are windows into the soul and they did not need to know that no one was home.This dance was performed over and over, in smokey bars, seedy motels, and churches alike.
The touch of a woman inspired me, gave me direction. I am lust personified. A user, taking what I want and giving nothing in return. The simple act of picking my victim, culling her from her pack, and taking her down was a sweet science to me. A game of chance with loaded dice. It started out innocent enough, on the back of my first broken heart I made the decision to never be in such a position again. Though I let her go for my own reasons, I died a little bit inside each day. Love, it is a mixture of brain chemicals and terror. I no longer cared for it, I only cared for its end product. Buried inside another I was strong again, dominating my prey. I laid the snare, trapped her, and devoured her at my leisure. The remains were thrown to the side so that those lower in the food chain could clean up my mess. There were no romantic getaways, no gentle touches as we strolled in the moonlight, no promises of a beautiful life. There was only the moment and once that moment passed I moved along.
I looked up as Frank handed me something "An entire month, and no sooner!" I struggled to catch back up as I glared at the crisp white envelope in my hands. I fumbled with the flap and saw the train ticket and a few hand written notes inside. Frank noticed my struggle and started over. "My roommate Jason has taken the leisure of packing your bags and has delivered them to the train station. I used the key from your desk, you can thank me later", Frank said with a brotherly smile. "Your train leaves in a little over one hour, you will be on it. You will be picked up at the station and promptly delivered to a quaint apartment downtown." I wanted to ask where downtown was but my future had been decided for me. "Frank darling, I love you but you really need this. Your career needs this. Take some time to breathe and explore. Your soul will thank you and you will thank me." With that, Frank rushed me out of the door and into a waiting cab with explicit instructions to deliver me directly to the station with no stops in between or detours. I waved as we pulled away from the curb. Frank only smiled as he turned to head back into his office.
As the cab sped away towards my first stop of what I assumed was many, I reached into my pocket for the envelope. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath as I reached inside and removed the contents. I opened my eyes, half expecting the driver to scream "surprise!", and started my journey. The envelope contained a hand written letter from Frank, a hand drawn map on what appeared to be aged parchment, a one way train ticket, and a picture of me, cut from the jacket of my first novella nearly 20 years ago. The letter read as follows:
Dearest Pablo,
Enclosed you will find a one way ticket from here to New Orleans, Louisiana. The driver has been paid to deliver you to the station and see to you being on that train. You may ask, "Where is my return ticket?" It will be waiting for you when you are ready to return.
I have taken the liberty of booking you a place that will allow you access to the city as well as privacy to work. Please do not forget that above all, you are here for your work. The publishing house has picked up the tab for this little creative journey so please do not let them down.
I am personal friends with the concierge and he has been instructed to meet your every demand, but please keep it within reason. He can be trusted and your requests will be nothing short of confidential. I have submitted a list of your favorite spirits and my favorite foods, the suite should be fully stocked and ready for your arrival.
Pablo, find what you have lost. I fear that our foray into mediocrity will only keep the wolves at bay for so long. Please use this chance, I am depending on you.
Respectfully,
Frank
I looked up to see the cab pulling into the terminal. Luckily for me the train is a dead form of travel in this area so it was only a matter of minutes before I was firmly seated in my cabin. The driver had handed me a large black leather satchel as I boarded, which from the sound of it contained at least two bottles of booze. As I searched its contents I did indeed find two beautiful hand blown bottles of anejo tequila, a leather bound journal, a selection of writing utensils (freshly stolen from my desk), and an envelope that read "Do not open, emergencies only." As the train groaned to life and lurched from the station I too groaned with life. As I watched the world flow by I wondered what lay in store for me. I knew this adventure would start with this first bottle of tequila but where did it end? I debated about finding the dining car or the bar but I figured that I would ride this one out. Alone in my cabin and alone in my head. I could feel my heart beat with anticipation of the new and fear of the unknown. Another drink would fix that.
